Subway Etiquette

I recently saw a piece on tv about subway satisfaction not increasing in the past decade. The MTA has spent billions improving the subway and can't figure out what else they can do. The problem isn't the trains or the platforms; its the people in the trains and on the platforms. So here are my suggestions for how the NYC subway can improve:

1) Purse Dogs: If it can soil itself, it doesn't belong on the train. That goes for you, your drunk friend and your incontinent grandmother as well.
2) There is no reason for you to flutter a fan. Really, none.
3) Food: drinking a coffee is one thing, but when I see you eating rice with your hands on the JMZ and spewing it everywhere...No. I say, NO.
4) Spitting: STOP IT.
5) Litter: I realize you are a gaping asshole that was raised by animals in a sewer, but next time I see you throwing your empty coke can on the tracks; I'm kicking your teeth in.
6) Escalators: and this goes not only for the subway, but anywhere there may be an escalator--right side: stand still, left side: walk. ALWAYS. Are you British? No? KEEP TO THE RIGHT.
7) Your fucking kids: look I don't like them either, but can the beating commence after you get home?
8) Stairs: I can't tell you how many times I have missed my train because the crowds leaving the train have taken up the whole width of the staircase. Which leads to #8,
9) Let them GET OFF THE TRAIN FIRST. The conducter says it everytime, but you refuse to listen. No that doesn't mean standing 2 feet from the doors creaing a human wall, and it doesn't mean shuffling around the doors if you are not exiting the train. Get. Out. Of. The. Fucking.
Way.
10) Strollers: see #1.
11) You: you smell. awful. fix it. Maybe you want to take a shower in one of the many open hydrants in my neighborhood that are zapping my water pressure.

Really, I have no complaint with the MTA. I understand that there have to be repairs and construction. Yes, the trains and platforms are rodent ridden and filthy but what can you do when people are doing numbers 1, 3, 4, and 5? Do I have to mention the public urination?