The Tyranny of the Ballet Flat

Ballet flats are in. When I saw them in the fashion mags a few months ago, I thought there was no way they'd catch on. But walking around New York yesterday, on one of the first spring-like days we've had this year, I realized how mis-guided I was. There were ballet flats everywhere. With skinny jeans, cute dresses and a-line skirts. There was no way I could get through this spring in last year's pointy flats, no matter how cute I told myself they looked with skinny jeans. When my friend and I were turned away from a Soho restaurant because we didn't have a reservation, I secretly blamed my shoes.



A few months ago, I was fully prepared to resist the lure of the ballet flat. In theory, they're cute, conjuring images of Degas's dancers, Audrey Hepburn and effortlessy chic and wide-eyed school girls. When I was eight, I begged my mom for a pair from Nordstrom. I'm sure I would have worn them to school with my tutu if I hadn't realized how uncomfortable they were. They never even made it out of the house.

But there are few articles of clothing with as many caveats as the ballet flat. On girls with long legs and slim ankles, they will only make her look longer and leaner. Something else I learned at the age of eight: skirts and flats are for the select few. As many girls as I saw yesterday pulling off the ballet flat, my mind is repeatedly drawn to one poor creature. Low slung skinny jeans that made her hips look as wide as a sequoia and zebra print ballet flats that made her look about as tall as an Olsen but ten times as dumpy. And animal print? There is no faster way to evoke both a New Jersey housewife and a wildebeast.

This seems to be the season of the unwearable clothes. Maybe we've moved on from midriff bearing tops and jeans low enough to require a wax, but we're not done making normal girls look fat. But don't say the designers didn't warn you. It's in the name. Skinny jeans are just that. They don't make you look skinny, they're only for the skinny. I thought we covered this last year? Ballet flats are for girls who have the legs of dancers.

But if you leave here with only one piece of advice, remember this; the stirrup pant is for no one.